Being a writer can be complicated. It’s an intensely private thing, but also very public. I hate saying that I am a writer, because, inevitably, the question is, “Oh, what have you written?” “Well… nothing. Yet. I’m in the process.” And then the look happens, you know the one. The one where they’re question your ability to call yourself a writer. I hate that look. So, I don’t call myself a writer. Not out loud. My biggest problem, my biggest roadblock, is myself. I can’t seem to get out of my own damn way. I’m so afraid of failing, that all of my time and effort will have been a waste, that most times, it freezes me up. So, when people ask what I do? It’s complicated.
Lately I have wanted to do so many things, whether that be writing, painting different rooms in the house, cleaning, organizing, doing activities with the kids, but haven’t been able to decide what I want to do first, so the indecision has left me doing nothing.
I hate it. It leaves me feeling useless.
Has anyone else suffered with a case of indecisivitis?
That’s part of the reason I’m doing this post now. I was hoping just getting my thoughts out there might help.
So, here’s my to-do list, in no particular order:
- Finish pre-writing my story.
- Write the 1st draft of said story.
- Buy paint, and paint supplies.
- Paint the living room.
- Find a couch for the living room.
- Paint the dining room.
- Organize an office space in the corner of the dining room.
- Get a desk and chair.
- Paint the kids’ room.
- Organize the kids room.
- Get a dresser for the kids.
- Get an organizer for the playroom.
- Organize the playroom.
- Get a play set for the backyard.
- Plan my daughter’s birthday.
- Make dinner.
Can you see why I’m having a hard time? This isn’t even everything, I’m sure I am forgetting things.
Even with the list, I’m still no closer to figuring it out.